So Drew Barrymore files for divorce from husband Will Kopelman. They then issue a media release announcing "Sadly our family is separating legally, although we do not feel this takes away from us being a family."
I asked my readers what could lie behind the seemingly odd view that divorce "does not take away from us being a family". I received several excellent replies, but I'd like to focus on the first one, which argued that it was a classic case of women pursuing a strategy of alpha sex and "betabux".
These are red pill concepts, and I think there's something to it, though I'd modify the argument. The idea is that it is in the nature of women to want sex with alpha men but then to want provisioning and security from beta men, i.e. alpha sex and beta money. At red pill sites it is often argued that women will purse alpha sex until they are near to "hitting the wall" at which point they will settle and seek to marry a beta man for his money.
The connection to Drew Barrymore is the suggestion that she is trying to have it both ways: that she wants to do the family thing with beta man Will Kopelman, whilst still being free to pursue sex with alpha males.
What is true in this, from what I can tell anyway, is that women are strongly conflicted between their sexual drives and their desire for family and security. Their sexual drives flow most freely with men who are perceived to be untamed, undomesticated, fun (or perhaps dangerous) types who are there just for sex. The men they want for family duty are the stable, loving, trustworthy, reliable types, but with these men sex is for leverage (it is transactional) and sometimes women will not have sexual feelings towards these men (or worse yet they may feel repulsion). And yet women do want these men, at a particular point in their lives, for establishing a family.
It's a pity, I think, that the red pill sites use the terms alpha and beta the way they do. It assumes that the player type men, the ones women identify as being there just for sex, are the superior men. But that's not always so. A woman might see a psychologically muddled no-hoper as being a man she would never consider as a beta provisioner, but if he can thug it up a bit (even in looks), or appear a little cool, or even come across as risky and dramatic, she might see put him in the "there for sex" category. On the other hand, the man who is emotionally open to a loving relationship, able to hold down a good job, good father material, and loyal might objectively be superior in character but the very fact that he presents himself for the domestic role can flick a "beta switch" in women from which there is no coming back.
I have no idea of what Will Kopelman is like as a person, but if you look at photos he is tall and handsome and fashionably dressed, and he has a high status job (art consultant), is wealthy and comes from a high social class. And yet in red pill terms he is "beta". I suspect that once he is divorced he will suddenly look very alpha to a lot of women.
At red pill sites there is a term "alpha widow". It refers to a woman who has bedded many men (the alpha men) and who then settles for a beta provisioner (betabux) but can't form a loyal attachment to him because she still pines for one of her past alpha lovers. The thing is, though, that I have known women whom you might term "beta widows" - they divorce a husband and after a relatively short period of time try to replace him with a replica of what they once had. They were not attracted to him for the reason that they were married to him not because he lacked attractive qualities as a man.
Marriage, it seems, puts men at a great disadvantage when it comes to holding the attraction of women. It means that men have given away all the commitment they have to offer; that they cannot appear attractively aloof when they have so much to lose in the event of the wife leaving; that they will appear unattractively domesticated; that they will have to offer comfort and security rather than danger, fun and risk; and that just by virtue of being the loyal provisioner they will be cast in the beta role in their wife's mind.
A society that values marriage is going to have to bolster the position of married men. It is going to have to give married men a boost to their power and status compared to the unmarried guy in the band. It is going to have to grant to married men resources that a woman cannot get anywhere else except by being married (or perhaps through her own hard, lifelong labour).
I'm not sure, but it is possible that marriage can only survive in a patriarchal culture, by which I mean a culture in which fathers are the spiritual, moral and legal heads of the family, and in which this paternal leadership and authority is felt within the daily life and culture of the family. If not, women will tend to identify married men with a powerlessness that they can live with platonically happily enough, and will sometimes endure for the sake of the children, but that will have them looking elsewhere for sexual fulfilment.